Shed 5, the cafe/shop/motorbike pimp-house formerly known as Deus ex Machina (or DxM to those of us for whom that was too much of a Latin mouthful), is, if you hanker for an urban-industrial space, the place to go and feel green with envy (and ever so anxious as to how long these wondrous buildings are going to stay there). I do! Regularly. It's not the clientele. It's not the bikes. It's not even the cafe itself, though the do a fine drop and a fine crumb... No, it's the loos. Quite simply, these are hands down, no contest, my favourite cafe loos in Auckland (there'd be competition for the next 4 spots, and the order of them, but this one has yet to be beaten...)
Where to start? Is it:the long wide corridor that draws you down, somewhere it feels you maybe shouldn't quite be going?the painted two-tone green walls (I love green!)?the natural light from the skylight, on which, if you time it right, you can see seagulls hanging out?the simple yet profound design: natural meets industrial, wood and metal (check out the loo roll holders!)?
the thick, soft, domestic loo roll?
the fact that there are three toilets - including a big 'disabled' one with a comfortable loo seat?
No! although each of these features adds in an important way to the overall experience, two features push these loos over the edge, into the land of superlatives:
1. the exceptionally soft, thick and luxurious pure white flannels for hand-drying, each individually rolled and aesthetically presented in wooden boxes on the walls. With these, your hands have been treated like the nerve-filled sensory organs that they are.
2. the seriously-good-quality, luxury skin-care products. No commercial or even run-of-the-mill-domestic soap products here, no siree. Only the highest quality, french flowing soap and matching hand moisturiser are to be found in these top loos! Favourite flavour... Rose.
This might sound ridiculously over-the-top indulgent - and yes, it is... But the experience these loos provide is not one to be sniffed at. If you choose, and it is your choice, you can leave feeling smoothed, soothed and pampered; a better, calmer, softer person than when you entered a few minutes earlier! And that's gotta be a good thing.
Dizengoff, an institution of a Ponsonby cafe, is (almost) always buzzing, and is always great - I love it! The only problem ever is deciding what to eat, and realising I can only fit in one meal at a time.
Just as the cafe itself features two spaces (downstairs and upstairs) with quite different moods, there are two - both unisex - loos, each with quite different moods... Neither is wheelchair accessible or particularly disability-friendly (steps, narrow spaces etc)...
Upstairs
This loo occupies a narrow rectangular space, that expands out into a somewhat spacious L-shape beside the loo. It's white-walled, tidy and clean with natural light from a painted-over window, and no art, but a cute retro mirror. The solid-old-skool lock provides reassurance you will not disturbed in your toileting endeavours... The sink is narrow with two taps, but the hot tap temperature is good, not scalded, skin-peeling-off sensation here. The loo roll is one of those big commercial rounds, the 'soap' similarly commercial (but foam, I quite like foam), but yes, paper hand towels. Hoorah!
Downstairs
Out the back, through the edge of the kitchen, and past the cafe supplies, this corrugated-iron-roofed, lean-to-style brown-walled loo feels like it's more for the staff than the cafe patrons (it quite probably is!). It retains an aesthetic element (another nice retro mirror), but by and large it speaks functionality: the clean-white cheeriness of upstairs does not feature here. The same products are doing their job, but here it's about getting the business over and done with, in an efficient manner. This is not a not a place to linger and think great thoughts. Upstairs, I could...
In summary, the great cafe experience that Dizengoff offers is neither particularly enhanced, or detracted from, by the loo experience...
Monterey Coffee Lounge, situated in the West Lynn shops, in Auckland, is a delightful, retro-styled cafe serving excellent food (pretty much all organic), coffee (of course!), the delicious Hakanoa ginger beer, and it features one of my top loos! What is so good about it? The one loo on offer is spacious (disabled), with clean design (white walls, natural light from a window), and simple, beautiful art that fits with the aesthetics of the whole cafe (a whites aviation print, a series of three flying ducks, as mirrors). Paper towels are provided to dry your hands, the soap is a domestic product, perfectly ok, but not 'designer' and even though the taps are separate, the water temperature is good.
As a trained 'scientist', my approach to the loo review simply could not be haphazard... I had to have clear and stringent criteria, applied systematically. No vague impressionistic account here. But I freely admit - even claim - that this will be subjective... I have my own preferences for what I like, and don't like. I'll be clear about these, so you can make up your own mind. Your criteria might be very different to my own... I have found since talking to people about this project, that people would often ask 'have you considered X?' or 'what about Y?' Things that escaped my criteria, and which I clearly don't consider important in a loo, but which might be (somewhere to put your bag; the presence of air freshener; the quality of the flush). These are not included in my criteria (though actually the flush quality is an excellent point).
My criteria revolve around:
1. general aesthetics, art, ornamentation etc.
If I like it, it rates better.
2. physical environment (size, natural light)
I prefer a loo with space, but not necessarily too much, and with natural light. I will also note whether or not they offer disabled loos...
3. hand drying options
Listed from worst to best, as judged by me: old-school wussy do-nothing air dryers, paper towels, new massage-your-flesh hand dryers, looped cotton drying rolls, individual flannels
4. soap (generic, commercially-dispensed through to 'designer' soaps)
I like the generic ones least (but those foam ones are not bad), surprisingly I like the 'designer' soaps best. isn't that odd!
5. water (separate or combined hot/cold taps, pressure, temperature)
This isn't a big issue, unless it's bad - for instance, boiling hot water from a single tap. I prefer a combined tap, because I can control the temperature, and water that's hot but not blister-the-skin hot...
6. loo paper
Softer, domestic product wins over those larger, rougher commercial rolls.
7. other criteria
I'll note other features, which may not affect my 'rating' of a loo - such as whether there is disabled access, whether it was clean/tidy, etc.
So these are the criteria. They might not always be the most environmentally friendly of choices, but they make, to my mind, the best loo experience!
One final point: most cafe loos in Auckland seem to be unisex. Sometimes, they are not. In those cases, I'll be talking about 'the ladies', unless otherwise specified.
hello!
This blog is about something both mundane and profound - the toilet. More precisely, it's about the toilets I encounter in the cafes I visit. It's a loo-review, of sorts...
Why? Well, I like a good cafe! A good cafe provides a space and place for some of the most fundamental needs we have as human beings - for community and communion with friends and strangers, for social interaction, for deep introspective thought, for the intake of news, information, gossip, and of the very things that keep us alive: food and drink. But as 'what goes in must come out', the cafe experience also often involves (well, for me, anyway!) a visit to the loo...
The cafe toilet: they range from almost sublime to completely dire. Pondering life one sunny afternoon, I decided to right an absence in cafe reviews... the loo! It's rarely, if ever, mentioned, and someone clearly had to do something about it...
Shed 5, the cafe/shop/motorbike pimp-house formerly known as Deus ex Machina (or DxM to those of us for whom that was too much of a Latin mouthful), is, if you hanker for an urban-industrial space, the place to go and feel green with envy (and ever so anxious as to how long these wondrous buildings are going to stay there). I do! Regularly. It's not the clientele. It's not the bikes. It's not even the cafe itself, though the do a fine drop and a fine crumb... No, it's the loos. Quite simply, these are hands down, no contest, my favourite cafe loos in Auckland (there'd be competition for the next 4 spots, and the order of them, but this one has yet to be beaten...) 
